Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Really don't like November

November is not my favorite month ... most people assume its because the weather is getting colder, and days are getting shorter. And while I'm not fond of either of those characteristics of November, my reasons are different ones. November is the month we experienced our first pregnancy loss (in 2004) . We named that baby Liberty John. I often think we would have called her Libby. I know she was born straight into heaven ... never knew pain or sadness of fear, but still I miss her and wish she could have been a physical presence in our family. I suppose that is a bit selfish ... but its true.

And this year only strengthens my dislike for this month. We expected and planned to welcome a new baby boy on 11-11-11 (cool date for a birthday, ha?) His name is Journey Peace. But he made his journey to peace in May ... again he knew no pain or sadness or fear ... he is full of joy and peace; as I imagine that is all one would feel in heaven. My babies can look right into their Heavenly Father's face and feel such love. But my journey here is not finished and I still live in this fallen world, surrounded by hurt and sadness and fear and I am weary in this battle. Today I am sad and hurt and confused. I want so badly to hold my babies.