Monday, October 24, 2011

Are You Ok?
by Susan M Simpson

They ask if I'm ok,

Which answer would they like?

There's the one that they'll find easier,

Then there's the one that's right.

I could tell them that I'm coping,

That I'm moving on with life.

They'll smile sadly, nod, agree with me,

Not see my inner strife.

But inside my soul is screaming,

It heard that awful lie.

The truth they just don't want to hear,

This pain I have to hide.

My heart, it feels, is broken,

My spirit, that's gone too.

I sense there's no fight left in me,

That went when I lost you.

And this I cannot tell them

There's no words to explain,

And even if there were,

It would only cause them pain.

I can't pretend, I'm not that strong,

It only makes me cry,

Can't say the words to lie to them,

Don't even want to try.

I'm not 'ok' - will never be

Your life changed me, it's true

This sadness that I carry,

Is a mother's love for you.

So when they ask, I'll look at them,

Through eyes that burn with tears.

I won't deny my love for you,

With lies that quell their fears.

There are no words for me to say,

Instead I will just shrug.

And hope that it will be enough,

They'll leave with just a hug.

I know that if they try too hard,

Their words will just hurt more,

Though kindly-meant, they're meaningless

I fight this lonely war.

They'll say 'you'll have another one'

'Just try again', 'you're young'.

'Accept it wasn't meant to be',

'Get over it', 'move on'.

How could they ever understand

This sorrow that I hide,

Sadly, the only way

Is if they ever lost their child.

Other children I may bear,

And happiness might find,

That never will erase the love

For the child I left behind.

So please don't ask if I'm 'ok'

Don't try to comfort me,

The kindest thing to offer

Is a simple 'I'm sorry'.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Oct 15th

This post was originally written by Corinne O'Flynn and shared at Rowan Tree Foundation:

In 1988, the month of October was named national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And in 2006 October 15th was further recognized as the international day of awareness.
All losses are the loss of a child. When it comes to grieving the loss of your child, there is no line drawn to separate miscarriage, stillbirth, newborn, infant, and older child. No matter how long they spent in the womb, or in your arms... it is your child you are missing.

Please join us on October 15th at 7PM (in your time zone) by lighting a candle for remembrance. Organizations across the globe ask that you take part in this "Wave of Light" by lighting a candle at 7pm, in your local time zone. Please take a moment on this day for reflection, and remembering our lost children by lighting a candle at home, in groups and gatherings, attending a mass, or calling someone close to you who has experienced this loss. No matter how recent or how long ago, every parent would love to know that someone is remembering their angel child.

By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation

Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.

Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.

Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.

The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

In Honor of Oct 15th

On Monday this week I accompanied my friend Kristie to the City Council Meeting in Red Wing, MN. She had been asked to accept a proclamation honoring Oct 15th as a day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss, read by the Mayor. She accepted on behalf of Anchored by Hope and New Beginnings, as those are the two organizations hosting this weekends Memorial Service at 5 pm on Sat Oct 15th.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

A 31 Day Blogging Challenge From Another Baby Loss Mom

Today is the final day of the Star Legacy's Stillbirth Summit that I have been attending in Bloomington, MN. In honor of that and October being the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month I want to share a Blogging Challenge that I came across:

Cassie started a 31 Days Blogging Challenge For Mothers of Loss at her blog, Living A New Normal, in honor of Pregnancy & Infancy Loss Awareness Month. Please visit her site and feel free to join in.

Journaling or blogging has always helped me, I think its a great idea for moms who are walking this very difficult road of loss. And if getting started is an over whelming idea, Cassie has helped make this very easy. She has listed out prompts for each of the 31 days in October. You can answer the question each day as a way to get your thoughts going.

Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they?
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child's name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)
Day 31: Do you feel like 31 days has helped you open up more about your child(ren) and your grief?