Monday, June 13, 2011

One Month

small picture I painted a few days after i learned our baby's heart was no longer beating, I had seen an ultrasound at 6 weeks and 8 weeks with his heartbeating ... but now my baby was just in there ... still.

One month ago ... doesn't seem like that long, yet to me its been a life time.

One month ago my baby left my body, much loved and so wanted but too early and too small.

Today I would have been feeling kicks and wiggles

I would have rubbed my belly and talked to him, but instead I am empty, cold and alone.

I'll go in for more blood work, I'll try not to notice other moms with growing bellies and babies in strollers.

I'll think about "trying again" ... of corse I want to be pregnant again!

But can I stand to lose another baby again, can I live through this pain again?

Answers I just won't have today ... just another something I can't have today

People want me to "move on" ... how do I do that? How do I get there?

Is one month it? Is that really all the time I get to morn?

1 comment:

  1. Sending you so much love today. You take all the time you need to morn - we are here listening.